No Church


Here goes another Sunday without going to church, I am actually a little upset about that. Since coming home, I was forced to go to morning mass and Sunday church for about 2 weeks straight. Once work ended for my parents, it seems we stopped going to church all together. I vividly remember my Dad banging on my door, I lock the door to my room now, its a habit I picked up from college, demanding that I wake up and dress for church. Now the tables have turned, so to speak. I’m the one waking up early in preparation for church and they are the ones asleep. It’s funny how people determine the right course of action. It all depends on the circumstance. I, on the other hand, have to live according to other people’s rules, well at least for now anyway.

For instance, my first pay cheque has been allocated towards repairing the car, which is not mind and probably will never be, and purchasing a plane ticket for my sister to return to boarding school in Lawrenceville, New Jersey. I have yet to earn the money and it has already been spent. Forget the fact that I may have expenses of my own,  no house key, yet to socialize, and I need clothes. Let’s not forget the fact that during the day I prepare to sit the CPA exam while my parents play Farmville. Even this blog, although not very well put together, assists my GRE preparation. Patting myself on the back feels good though. It will all pay off in the end, that’s what I keep telling myself.

Since my first pay cheque is basicly gone, I guess I will have to pay my health insurance, life insurance, living expenses and other apparently ‘immaterial’ expenses for the month from the second cheque. Thankfully, after a few calculations, I have discovered that I will still reach my $1000 savings goal, geared towards the financing of my graduate degree. Unfortunately, that leaves me with very little spending money once all expenses have been accounted for. What am I going to do for a month with no money to do anything? I guess I will do what I have been doing all along, study for the CPA.

I’m still a little peeved at the fact that we did not go to church today. Alot of folks get excited when they know that they don’t have to wake up for church in the morning, I don’t. Four years in college has made me realize the importance of spending personal time with God, especially on Sundays when you almost obligated to. The week’s trials seem almost insurmountable when you miss that Sunday’s sermon, yet so many people fail to realize the importance of a relationship with God. I would not have made it through the latter half of my Junior year or any portion of my Senior year if I had not seeked the Lord. I was in dire straits. Everything seemed to be falling apart around me. No one seemed more reliable than God. Even my parents could not help me through my situation. I thank God for guiding me through those years.

While in Atlanta, I joined Pastor Eddie Long’s New Birth Church. Although it was a ‘mega-church’, it was what I needed at the time, a place with like minded peers all seeking the Lord for guidance and protection. My brothers, Xavier and Justin, introduced me to the ministry during my struggles with my ex girlfriend. She dumped me for a Nigerian graduate student, I will never forget that year. It will forever remain branded in my psyche as a turning point in my life. Prior to the breakup, I was a focused scholarly individual, but I lacked the ambition to exhibit my leadership abilities. I had neither leadership positions nor community service involvement on campus. I was at the institution strictly for academic pursuits.

Once dumped, I joined the Student Goverment Association as a Senator on the Senate’s Appropriaitons committee and the Morehouse Business Association as initial the Vice President and then the  President of the Investment club. My will to succeed had grown exponentially. I needed to validate myself through accomplishments and the accolades of Morehouse staff. To this day, I I have something to prove. I have yet to release my feelings for my ex, and this may be the cause of it all. It has been almost 2 years since our breakup, and I have yet to fully recover. I have journied throught the hardest parts of recovery, but I have yet to attain the level of self confidence I had prior to our separation.  She damaged the most sensitive male organ; the ego, to the point where only her validation could adequately repair it. Women fail to fully fathom the power they possess when a man fancies them. I hope to completely nullify that power someday. Hopefully today is the day. How can I go about doing this?

Not talking to her seems almost impossible. Her infectious personality draws one in and all ill will one has towards her transforms to acute admiration and affection. It sickens me. The only way to rid of her is to ex-communicate. I will force myself to not speak to her whether it be through texting, skyping or instant messaging, we must not communicate.

Anyway, enough about her! I start work in a few days and apart from the fact that my first pay cheque is literally not my own, I’m pretty excited. I cannot wait to see the other new hires. Hopefully they will put me back into the ERS department with people I am already familiar with. Poeple like Rosena and Kimberlee took me under their wing for the first few weeks at the firm. I’m forever grateful to them, but yet again they were just doing their jobs. From what I have heard from married men, the workplace is a woman’s hunting ground. I guess I’ll be having more fun than I would have imagined, or maybe not.

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